- 3 day old hotdog
- Spam key
- Gold nail polish
- 9 pink fruitloops
- white string
Light a Bunsen burner.
Take the spam key (athame) and hold it above your head with your left hand.
Oh Thou who art thrifty with Her apples of gold
Bring me love of the frantic kind
Of nizzling and bozzling and grozzling bold
True Chaos, I seek to find.
To show your dedication to this newfound quest, begin painting all your finger and toe nails gold. Take your 9 pink fruitloops and string them into a necklace with the white string. When finished, touch it with your spam key and say:
Bippety boppety boo
I might look like a fool
But I’m mighty
And all seems all-righty
It’s all so much better than drool.
Place your necklace around your neck and wear it to draw your love to you. Cook the hotdog in the bunsen burner and devour it hungrily.
Close the ritual by shouting:
Sweet Mother Mayhem!